What is emotional intelligence and how important is it? While academic achievement is important, there is more to success than getting good school grades.
Your emotional intelligence is not the same as your intelligence quotient or IQ. You might ask if you have a high IQ, why should you care about emotional intelligence?
There is a reason. We now know that there is more to being successful than just doing well in school.
There is another kind of intelligence, emotional intelligence, that may be even more important than intelligence quotient (IQ) or academic achievement.
Fortunately, we can improve our emotional intelligence.
Traditional Teaching about Success
If you were like me, you grew up hearing from teachers and parents–how important it was to get good grades in school. And good grades in school would help you get into college. And college, of course, was the ticket to success in your career!
But I’ll bet you know people in your high school class who had great grades, but never got anywhere in their careers. Or people who did not excel in school, who were popular with everyone, and who made lots of money and were successful in their jobs?
What’s the deal? Well, it seems that there is more to success than just being smart. There’s something called emotional intelligence.
Definition of Emotional Intelligence
So exactly what is emotional intelligence? Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize your own emotions and act intelligently, and to recognize the emotions of others, and to act socially appropriately.
Put more simply, your emotional intelligence helps you gain control over your own emotions and act appropriately. And you also are able to understand and empathize with other people. In case you haven’t figured it out yet, our emotions and emotional intelligence are affected by stress.
Examples of emotional intelligence can help you understand why emotional intelligence (EI for short) is so important to your social and career success.
People with high emotional intelligence :
- Are self-motivated – even during very frustrating circumstances, they can stay motivated. They are not quitters.
- Can control their impulses – including anger.
- Can delay gratification – they see the big picture and don’t have to have everything immediately.
- Regulate their own moods – They are able to recognize their emotions and use self-talk to keep emotions under control.
- Handle stress well – They don’t allow stress to overwhelm them and cloud their thinking.
- Empathize with others – They recognize emotions in others and give emotional support to them.
- Make others feel important – I’m sure you know someone that everyone loves. Someone who is fun to be around–because he makes everyone feel important and loved… It could be a favorite uncle or the man who owns the pizza shop on the corner. But people love to be around this person!
- Handle anger well – Instead of flying off the handle, they think, then speak. They show control and wisdom, considering the other person’s point of view before reacting.
- Listen carefully – They listen to your words, sense your emotions and watch your body language. They make you feel that you are understood.
Still wondering what is emotional intelligence? This video answers many of your questions…
Improving Emotional Intelligence
Were people with high emotional intelligence just lucky to be born with it? Scientists and psychologists don’t really think so. They believe that we learn to be socially appropriate and effective–from our parents and other people, when we are very young.
What we learn, can be unlearned and replaced.
Emotional intelligence and social intelligence, its close cousin, can be improved. And here are the steps to enhancing emotional intelligence:
- Self-knowledge – Observe your self-talk and how you react in different situations–almost as if you were a bystander. Examine your belief system and, especially look at limiting beliefs. You need to get a handle on how you react when you feel emotions. Knowledge is power!
- Use a good NLP program or self-hypnosis program to help you substitute positive thoughts for those self-limiting thoughts.Being relaxed while hearing positive affirmations is a very effective way of influencing your subconscious mind. A good program that you might consider is Increase Your Emotional Intelligence or Control Your Emotions by Hypnosis Downloads. Use your program regularly to enhance your emotional intelligence.
- Practice being attentive – listening carefully, giving eye contact, and understanding what a person is really saying and how they are feeling.
- Think before you speak – Learn to give some thought to your responses, instead of reacting quickly, without thinking.
So what is emotional intelligence? It’s a learned response that can be changed. It’s using intuition, based on our subconscious belief system, and our previous experiences.
Emotional intelligence is simply understanding ourselves and understanding others–and acting in the best interests of ourselves AND others.
It’s what makes others feel close to us, and like us. And it’s what helps us succeed in life…
To improve your relationships, you can use self-hypnosis to raise your Emotional Intelligence and Communication Skills.